esprit de l'escalier

Happy new year folks

I'm heading to my favorite town to see some of my favorite people. I'm a lucky girl. It's been a crazy year with a lot jammed into it. I keep saying to myself that I'm going to write (a now) New Year's letter to send out to people, but let's face it, it's not going to happen. So maybe I can do a brief recap here. This year has been full of cat hair, travel and school. Monsieur Frank joined me last November. I went to China in March, and to various places in the US. I continue to be overeducated as I ditched one master's program for another and now find myself back in Ohio.

Last week I had a brief freak out about how I'm 26 and living in my parents' basement, but I quickly got over it. I'm on a solid path and while I'm still uncertain about specifics in the future, but I'm not really worried about not having options or anything. I'm entering this new year feeling fairly confident in myself and where I'm heading (wherever that may be). I will just continue trying to make my life what I want it to be, knowing that I'm lucky to have the support and tools to do so.

This coming year looks like it will be travel-filled as well. I'm going to visit two absolute, top-ten list favorite ladies in San Francisco in a couple of weeks. June will be full of Guinness as I head to my old roommate's wedding in Ireland. I'm in it. It's the first wedding I'm in, so perhaps being a bridesmaid will get old, but I love the two people getting married and am proud to stand up for them. There are a couple of other places I'd like to get to, as well, but school may cramp those plans.

It's curious starting over in a new (old) place. My life seems a little makeshift at times, but I'm making little steps to having a more normal social life. Which is good, though I miss my friends in Chicago often. But, I'm on my way to see them, so I won't whine too much. Sprinkled throughout this post are some photos I took of Navy Pier in November with my friend Sharon's Yashica Mat medium format camera. I'm doubly lucky, because she's going to lend me the camera to play with for a couple of months.

Have a happy new year everyone!

Day after

We returned home to some unadulterated sunlight this evening. It's also in the 50s here, which is nice, but seems like nature's way of telling us that the end is nigh. Frank was excited for us to be home. He wanted out and some scratching behind the ears. See below for him climbing down the wall to meet me.

The next couple of days will be full of more travel and more friends. I may post, but I may not. Either way, I hope the year wraps up nicely for you all!

Merry Christmas!

Here's an old photo of my Dad and twin brother trimming the Christmas tree. The note on the back says 1982, so my brother is one in the photo, and my sister does not yet exist. My family Christmases have been lacking the spirit they used to. This makes me sad, but it's just where we are right now. In between traditions. I'm hoping we can shake the malaise before too long. I'm afraid babies are the only thing that's going to revive it, though. And I am certainly not ready for that.

Hope you all have a lovely holiday!

RoD Holiday Bake-Off: Secrets revealed

After two years of passing in the annual Republic of Dog's Holiday Bake-Off, I decided to get off my duff this year and participate. And let me tell you, I think I did an awesome job. Jennifer, our reigning cookie queen, has her review of my entry up. I thought I'd take a moment to explain my entry a bit more.

I decided to bring out the big guns, so I looked to two trusted internet spots: Orangette and Epicurious. (I also consulted Everybody Likes Sandwiches, but ultimately went with a family recipe.) I made a trio of cookies, as you can see above, an oatmeal, a butter cookie and a chocolate cookie. I wanted three different flavors that wouldn't totally clash and I think I succeeded in that.

I used Orangette's Pistachio-Apricot Oatmeal Cookie recipe, mainly because I am currently obsessed with pistachios, and boy am I happy with this recipe. The cookies are crisp and chewy, with a nice (but surprising) flavor. For some reason to me it tastes like there is a little bit of coconut in there, but there's not. I'm definitely going to make these cookies again. And if I wasn't so full on random sweets from work I'd do so right now.

I originally had my eyes on one cardamom cookie via Epicurious, but decided on another that looked easier to make. (I've been obsessed with cardamom since I made ELS's chai-spiced apple bread - check out the recipe, it's super easy and SO good.) I ultimately used (and tweaked) the Cardamom Butter Square recipe. As you can see, I didn't square the cookies, mainly because when I tried they looked lumpy and weird, so I thought I'd go boring and safe and balled the cookies. I doubled the cardamom and cinnamon and used freshly grated nutmeg and ground cloves instead of allspice. I think I would put slightly less cardamom next time, but they are a nice buttery cookie with more than a hint of sass.

I changed my final cookie based on a suggestion from my sister. She loves our mother's recipe (which she got from her grandmother). See my mom's old recipe card for the cookies above. I'm certain it's older than me. My sister actually found the recipe on the internet too, which completely bummed my mother out. (Silly Mom, doesn't she know everything ends up on the internet?) The cookie isn't too heavy, and it's the mocha frosting that does it for me. The leftover cookies didn't make it through the night.

I put all my cookies in a tin that I decorated with stickers and sent them out with some polaroids. I think I may have the bake-off in the bag!

Randomness and some etsy love

Today we had some sun throughout the day, which was glorious. I had forgotten how gray central Ohio was (according to this website we have 190 cloudy days on average per year in Columbus). But there was a visible sunrise and full sun at lunch, so I went to restaurant with large windows and sat in one, soaking up the vitamin d with my soup and salad and Fast Company.

I've been humming songs from Anything Goes all day. My Dad found our old tape of the 1962 recording - it was always a big hit on family car trips. I was a little wound up Sunday night and gave a little interpretive dance show for the family. I'm really happy my brother didn't think to tape it. I really don't want to end up on youtube that way. I'd rather have my lunacy kept in the family.

When I moved from Chicago, my fabulous roommate Natasha traded up with her new flatmate. She's living with a great girl named Jean, who's a painter. I seriously covet many of her pieces that hang throughout their apartment - lovely snippets of everyday life and Chicago. Well, Jean just opened an Etsy store where she has some cards for sale and this awesome calendar of places around Chicago. (You can find Natasha posing around Graceland Cemetery in October.) Check Jean's shop out.

Finding Iris Chang

Last month I had the good fortune of attending one of my friends’ Sharon and Pat’s book parties. They have them from time to time to celebrate friends who are publishing memoirs, and they always include an interesting and diverse group of women, good food and excellent conversation. The author is always in attendance and I always look forward to the chance to hear about her writing process and herself.

This past book party was in honor of Paula Kamen’s new book Finding Iris Chang: Friendship, Ambition, and the Loss of an Extraordinary Mind, about her exploration of her friendship with Iris and the events that lead up to Iris’s suicide in 2004. I had met Paula at other book parties, and it is always a treat to see her.

I loved the book. To me it was fascinating on several levels. At its base, it’s the story of a long-term friendship and how that changes over time. It shows us how much we don’t know about each other, and also we impact each other, without our knowledge. It’s a look into Iris’s mind, through personal correspondence and interviews with close friends. As Paula says in her introduction, it gives us a glimpse into what it is like to be truly extraordinary. This is a book about a woman who was exceptionally intelligent and driven, and who truly cared for and cheered on those that she loved. The layer about mental illness, though, is the one I have been thinking about all month. The book is about hidden secrets and how those secrets destroyed a life.

Maybe because it’s the holidays and crazy relatives are front and center in my life, but mental illness has been floating back and forth in my mind lately. The one idea hit home the hardest for me in this book was about the mental illness, specifically bipolar disorder, which ultimately killed Iris. She was driven in a way I can’t even begin to understand, and achieved heights I never will, but she was also tormented by inner demons that I do not have.

I admire Paula for taking on this subject and seeing the need for more open discussions of mental illness and suicide. She found that psychiatry looks for depression and signs of mental illness that is very biased towards white cultural norms. Asian Americans have to overcome a double set of cultural norms with mental illness – the cultural norm of not discussing what is wrong and of having mental illness manifest or act out in different ways. We need to be more aware of red flags. Paula writes how people dismissed warning signs as Iris being excitable, or because people don’t want to see what is wrong, until it’s too late.

Today Heather Armstrong of Dooce writes about her own struggles of mental illness. I have always admired her frankness towards her own life. She is courageous and I thank her for telling us her story, so that others may tell her own. That’s what I’m taking away from Paula’s book, that we should seek help when we need it, and that needing help will not hurt us. I think embracing ourselves and our faults will make us stronger.

Today also marks the 70th anniversary of the Rape of Nanjing. Iris made her name on telling the world that story. It was probably the hardest book I’ve ever read, but one I was extremely glad to have read. This book makes you wonder if Iris’s suicide was preventable, and it probably was if people had been able to see warning signs. It’s hard to know, though, as hindsight makes it easy to judge the past. Iris has been a symbol for many groups, and I hope that now she can help others seek help.

I encourage you all to read this book. The topic may not sound the sunniest, but it's an intriguing look at, well, what it's like to be truly extraordinary. Iris was a fascinating person, and it's interesting to see how her determination and work ethic got her so far. She believed in making the world better by showing it its faults, and I think her advocacy was vital in opening up the world further. This book also shows us the importance at facing our fears about ourselves and getting help.

For more reading about Paula and Iris, see Salon's interview with Paula, and Paula's eulogy for Iris, which in some ways started this entire journey.

This has been cross-posted at new critics.

Fashion and cookies

I wasn't feeling well this morning, so I stayed home and baked for the RoD Holiday Bake-Off. I promise I had nothing contagious, as that maybe concerning to a couple of you. My planned menu changed a little, based on input from my sister. (She ultimately wanted me to change everything, and is threatening of sending some cookies in, too.) I went with two cookies from los internetos (two favorite recipe spots) and one family favorite that might be my golden ticket. I need to jazz up my tins and get them ready to send tomorrow. I'm kind of determined to win, so watch out people.

Tonight Jennifer is our cruise director through tonight's episode of Project Runway. If you're watching, join us in the comments at New Critics for some socializing.

A Sunday visitor

Look who hung out just outside the house on Sunday. First he was on the railing of our back porch and then was in a nearby tree for about 20 minutes. Needless to say we made sure the cat was inside.

I hope those of you affected by the ice storm that tore through the midwest are safe and warm. We just have cold fog and rain here.

Freedom and some snow

As of about 1:18 this afternoon I was a free woman. Free of classes, stress-induced paranoia and long commutes. Until January that is. And I'm not entirely free, as I'll be working four days a week, but I'm looking forward to my break.

I was not so excited to have to make the trek into town today, what with snow steadily falling and none of the roads or highways properly plowed. But I went in and took that exam and now I continue to hope that the class is curved and that it will positively affect me. At this very moment I've got a cat curled up beside me, begging for attention, a roaring fire and an inclination to fix myself a drink. See below for photos of Frank's first snow.

I'm cruise directing tonight's bloggage of Project Runway. Join us at New Critics for some fun in the comments section, starting around 10pm (eastern).